how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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