I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
