shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
