So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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