my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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