girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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