Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
