So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
