its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
