Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You can't just leave with hair like that
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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