I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
