So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
