I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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