Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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