I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
