I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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