I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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