I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
