If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
No I am not eating basil off your cock
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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