when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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