wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
