I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
