Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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