do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
