Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
