You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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