Your mouth is God's brothel.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
