I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I am naked and annoyed.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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