...so i touched it.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
