I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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