Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
