Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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