How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize