I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
