If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
