Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
