part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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