she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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