He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
you had me at cake vodka
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
