i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
