I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
