My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
