i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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