You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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