Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
