Tell her she can't have a vagina
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
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