i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
