Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
