Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
my shit smells like andre
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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