the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
