Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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