And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Randomize
