if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
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