Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
He felt like a one man threesome
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
