I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
