Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
