First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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