Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize