Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
