I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
