There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
