let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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