worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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