we made out on top of his cat.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
