I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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